2015 International Rules test review: Ireland v. Australia at Dublin

It was with some excitement that I looked forward to this year’s International Rules test between the AFL’s finest and the Emerald Isle’s top Gaelic footballers, held at the iconic Croke Park. With 2015 being an annus horribilis for the indigenous code, both on the field (73 stoppages per match) and off it (Goodesgate, Essendongate, Phil Walsh’s murder), perhaps the hybrid game could light the way to a better brand of football.

International Rules is much maligned by AFL fans: the Irish are seen as lacking in physicality and athleticism compared to our players, and the contest is viewed as a junket. But the hybrid code actually retains many features of pre-Demetriou Australian rules. There are few ball-ups, no rolling mauls, limited interchange, and teams are forced to kick to contests due to the ban on chains of six or more handballs. While it is admittedly a less physical game, it is more physical than Gaelic football and it favours the small forward over the clearance specialist midfielder.

The result is a code which moves at the steady, constant tempo of a soccer match and which features the round-ball skills of the world game, in addition to the physicality and aeriality of Australian rules. In other words, it combines some of the best features of this blog’s two favourite sports! No wonder I’m so excited about it.

Although Australia were the first to score, courtesy of a Robbie Gray over within the first minute, the match was less than four minutes old when a goal-mouth scramble caused by the first of many goalkeeping errors from Dustin Fletcher led to Aidan O’Shea goaling. The sides traded overs in a solid display of accurate kicking until the score reached 21-12 in Ireland’s favour; the only behind of the first quarter came in the final minute of the term, when Irish goalkeeper Niall Morgan deflected Jarryd Roughead’s shot through for a behind.

At the start of the second quarter, an over and a behind for the visitors, clad in navy blue shirts with yellow trims and a yellow Southern Cross, brought the score to 21-17. But it wasn’t long before O’Shea bagged his second goal of the match, Ireland getting a second bite of the cherry after Fletcher saved Bernard Brogan’s initial shot.

More skilful ball movement by the Irish, sporting lightly hooped shirts in two shades of green and embellished with white and yellow trims, took the score to 34-22 by the twelfth minute of the quarter thanks to two Brogan overs. It was then that Australian captain Luke Hodge brought back memories of his Round 21 bump which put Chad Wingard’s head between himself and a behind post, when he bundled Donegal man Patrick McBrearty into the goalpost after yet another Fletcher mistake. Conor McManus made no mistake from the spot, and the men in green led by eighteen points having scored three goals.

Ireland led 43-23 at the main break: Australia’s shining lights were Sam Mitchell in the midfield and their fleet of small forwards led by Eddie Betts, who menaced the Irish defence with their ground-ball skills. Statistically, however, the two teams were evenly matched, with similar numbers of marks and tackles and roughly even time in possession, though the tactical contrast between them could be seen in the handballs: just before half-time, Australia hit the century mark while Ireland, where purists have complained of late of the increasing handball-to-kick ratio in Gaelic football, had executed only thirty-eight.

Australia began the third quarter well with Leigh Montagna and David Mundy kicking overs early on. The match never lost its free-flowing tempo, and when Nick Riewoldt was tackled inside the penalty area in the fourth minute of the second half, we had played forty minutes of football (!) and had just witnessed the first stoppage.

Two further Irish overs blew the score out to 50-29, but one over from Luke Breust, two from Riewoldt, and Fletcher’s decision to come out of his box and act as a ‘sweeper-keeper’ got los australianos back into the contest. The hosts led 50-39 at the final change, but the ascendancy was with the Aussies, whose superior fitness often proves the difference late in these matches.

A fierce opening to the fourth quarter saw neither side score for nearly six minutes as both relentlessly attacked and counter-attacked. An Irish behind relieved the tension, while their solid defending denied Riewoldt at the other end. Betts added one point and Gray three, but Ireland came close to sealing the match when what would have been McManus’ second goal bounced off the top side of the crossbar.

Australia needed something special, and it came one minute later. West Coast’s Andrew Gaff crossed and Betts flew over a bi-national group of players to punch the ball in for a goal. A score review was needed to check whether the Crows’ goalsneak had fallen foul of the ‘square ball’ rule (Gaelic football’s equivalent of an offside law, which bars attackers from entering the six-yard box before the ball has done so), but the ‘all clear’ was given, and Australia were within six points. Another cross from Gaff resulted in an over to Gray, and the margin was down to three (55-52) with as many minutes remaining.

Having already scored four overs, Brogan looked to have the match won for Ireland when he went one-on-one with Fletcher in the dying minutes. But the retiring Essendon veteran effected a superb tackle, forcing play back to the twenty-metre line for what was only the second ball-up of the match. Australia looked to take the ball out from the back, but Ireland regained possession and strung together a chain of marks – not a feature of their code – to run down the clock. It was Brogan who put the result beyond doubt when the Dublin forward scored a behind with thirty-two seconds remaining.

It was a splendid encounter on a chilly Dublin night, and the Irish were deserved winners of the Cormac McAnallen Cup. Geelong defender Harry Taylor was awarded the Jim Stynes Medal as Australia’s best on ground, though the other Cat in the side, stoppage king Paddy Dangerfield was ineffective in the largely stoppage-free hybrid code.

Last year, when Australia handily defeated Ireland in Perth, I was unimpressed by the match. Specifically, I felt that the near-amateur Irish exerted a lack of defensive pressure on their better-conditioned opponents. This time around, however, the match was a much better spectacle. The hosts, playing in a more accommodating climate than Perth in November, and having selected players suited to the hybrid code rather than following the Australian policy of handing out lifetime achievement guernseys to past all-Australians, were able to swarm the Australian ball-carrier and punish the antipodeans’ lack of polish with the round ball.

I also cannot stress enough the most important statistic of the night: two stoppages. That’s not a misprint: AFL matches this year averaged 73, and that number is on an upward trend due to the speeding-up of the game and the interchange cap. With the round ball and the prohibitions against taking possession while being on one’s knees and diving on the ball, International Rules is a breath of fresh air when set against the stoppage-infested ‘third rugby code’ that footy has turned into in the Demetriou-McLachlan Era.

And it wasn’t just the lack of stoppages that impressed me in this match: with their natural feel for the round ball, the Irish were able to keep the ball in perpetual motion, tapping it backwards over their heads to teammates and diving to knock it to advantage.

For the AFL and the Gaelic Athletic Association, International Rules is just a hybrid sport which facilitates international competition between the two organisations. But this is a fantastic sport in its own right, and one which deserves to be played at the highest level more than once per year.

For years, there have been calls for the inclusion of the New York and London Gaelic football teams, both of whom participate in the all-Ireland championship, to turn the International Rules Series into a triangular or quadrangular tournament. A more radical idea would be to incorporate elements of soccer, one example being place-kicked free kicks, which were historically a feature of Gaelic football. If players from the lower reaches of professional soccer could be encouraged to take up the hybrid code, we could have an International Rules World Cup.

A more realistic goal would be to incorporate some aspects of International Rules into Australian football: specifically the prohibition of taking possession while on one’s knees and the rule against stringing together more than six handpasses. The first should reduce this blog’s bête noire, congestion, by stopping players from diving on loose balls that they have no hope of handballing to advantage. The second would be aimed at bringing back the long kick to a contest, historically one of football’s key aesthetic features, and this should help with congestion by drawing players back into their forward and back lines and away from the 36-man midfield scrimmage.

Ireland 3.11.5.56 – Australia 1.13.7.52

Goals: O’Shea 4’ (Q1), 3’ (Q2); McManus 12’ (Q2, pen.) (Ire.); Betts 13’ (Q4) (Aust.)

Overs: Brogan 4, McManus 3, Connolly, Hughes, Keegan, O’Shea (Ire.); Gray 3, Betts 2, Riewoldt 2, Ballantyne, Breust, Heppell, Montagna, Mundy, Roughead (Aust.)

Best: O’Shea, Brogan, McManus, Keegan (Ire.); Taylor, Mitchell, Breust, Heppell, Betts, Riewoldt (Aust.)

2018 World Cup qualifying match review: Bangladesh v. Australia at Dhaka

After beating Bangladesh 5-0 at the Perth Oval earlier in the campaign, the Socceroos could have been excused for taking their collective foot off the pedal in the return fixture at the Bangabandhu National Stadium in Dhaka. Under a security cloud caused by the appearance of ISIS in the once terror-free Subcontinental republic, the visitors notched up another goal difference-boosting win, knocking four goals past their opponents.

Australia, in their now-quotidian gold-trimmed navy blue away kit, attacked from the kick-off, forcing the Bengal Tigers to boot the ball out of their penalty area multiple times in the first three minutes before Tim Cahill headed an Aaron Mooy free kick into goal. The Melbourne City midfielder has had a blinder of an international break, involving himself in all four goals here in addition to his excellent playmaking against Kyrgyzstan.

It was a humid night in Dhaka, and the hosts’ shirts (red with green trim) were visibly moist and clung to their bodies as tightly as the players did to their more illustrious opponents. Bangladesh took nineteen minutes to bother Adam Federici, though they made their presence felt at the other end: they committed four fouls in the first half-hour and goalkeeper Shahidul Alam clashed heads with Mile Jedinak.

Shahidul did well on the twenty-eight minute mark to hold the ball in the field of play after being barged into by Cahill, but within four minutes his side were 2-0 down, the aforementioned Cahill fighting off Shahidul and three rossoverdi defenders in a goal-mouth scramble.

With the ‘Roos having seventy-nine percent of possession in the opening half, more chances would eventually come their way. Massimo Luongo tried a header in the thirty-sixth minute, before Mooy and Cahill combined for the third gialloverdi goal a minute later. The former broke through the Bengali defensive line and put himself one-on-one with the keeper, before laying the ball up to the latter, who made no mistake despite being double-teamed by two defenders.

From the second of two successive free kicks conceded by the ill-disciplined youngster Hemanta Biswas, Jedinak was able to put a name other than ‘Cahill’ on the scoresheet, finishing off Bailey Wright’s headed volley of Mooy’s kick.

Mooy and Luongo were rested at half-time, replaced by Tommy Oar and James Troisi. Not content with their limited opportunities thus far, Bangladesh tried to catch Federici napping by pumping a free kick at him from the half-way line, and frustration got the better of their captain in the eighty-seventh minute when he saw yellow for remonstrating with the referee.

The Socceroos, who had seventeen shots on goal to the Bengal Tigers’ two, played it safe in the second half. The closest they came to scoring was in the seventy-first minute, when Nathan Burns was fouled on the edge of the area but sprayed the resulting shot well over the bar, and nine minutes later, when Jedinak tried a speculative bicycle kick.

Another three points on the board for t’lads and, thanks to our good mates Kyrgyzstan beating Jordan at home for us, we now top the group.

Bangladesh 0 – Australia 4 (Tim Cahill 6’, 32’, 37’; Mile Jedinak 43’)

Cautions: Hemanta Biswas (Bang.) 40’; Monaem Khan Raju (Bang.) 47’; Mamunul Islam (Bang.) 87’

International friendly match review: Spain v. England at Alicante

It’s a pity that soccer internationals of this nature are known as ‘friendlies’ instead of ‘tests’, because this was a supreme test for both sides. For Spain, hosting this match in Alicante instead of Madrid because of concerns that unreconstructed franquistas might boo the Catalan patriot Gerard Piqué, this was their chance to show the world that their failure at the 2014 World Cup was an aberration and that tiki-taka, unlike the Generalissimo, was not dead.

For England, whose ten wins gave them the best record in qualifying for Euro ’16, this was an opportunity to show that they could match it with another superpower in their first real test since their group stage exit in Brazil. They lined up in a 4-4-1-1, with Everton’s Ross Barkley nesting behind lone striker Harry Kane, while their hosts went with a 4-1-3-2, featuring Sergio Busquets as the sole holding midfielder.

The story of the night, however, was England’s inability to control possession: a familiar refrain in the sport’s homeland. Most of the decent chances fell to Spain, who ended the first half with sixty-three percent of the ball and who often looked like they were playing futsal with themselves on the tablecloth-patterned turf.

England’s first penetration of the Spanish defence came in the seventh minute, and Raheem Sterling fired the resulting shot well over the bar. La furia roja came close in the twenty-third minute, when Busquets got on the end of a corner kick, and in the twenty-ninth, when Valencia’s Paco Alcácer was the recipient of a high through-ball.

In between all of this, Thiago Alcântara was taken off with an injury, replaced by Santi Cazorla, who proved an effective addition to the Spanish midfield. Sterling put his body on the line in the wall to stop a Cesc Fàbregas free kick in its tracks, but the Three Lions’ defence was almost exposed in injury time, when they were forced to clear the ball from their own penalty area three times in quick succession.

With six shots apiece in the first half, victory looked likely to fall to whichever side could make its chances count. Both coaches tinkered with their bench (six substitutions being allowed in international friendlies by order of Blatter), but it was the entry of Manchester United’s Raumdeuter Juan Mata, on for the so-so Diego Costa just after the hour mark, which altered the game’s complexion.

Suddenly, the Spanish lifted the tempo of their attacking moves, playing through balls and one-twos while pressuring Kane into a series of misses at the other end. In the seventy-second minute, Alcácer, Fàbregas, and Mario Gaspar combined for the opening goal, the last-mentioned executing a superb volley which bounced awkwardly past Joe Hart.

Within a minute, Roy Hodgson dragged the unimpressive Barkley to allow the White Pelé himself, (He Goes By The Name Of) Wayne Rooney, to join Kane in a classically English two-man strike partnership. Vicente del Bosque also rang the changes, swapping Alcácer for Chelsea’s Pedro and Busquets for Atlético Madrid’s Koke. But it was Cazorla who would shatter England’s hopes, firing a loose ball through a confused defence from just outside the box.

There were no further goals, but plenty of further worries for the visitors. Michael Carrick, without doubt the most Spanish Englishman in football, had to be stretchered off in the ninetieth minute with damage to his ankle ligament. In the second minute of second-half stoppage time, Rooney hit the cross-bar with a shot which summed up England’s night.

Overall, this was a match which promised a clash of stereotypes – Spanish tiki-taka against English speed and power – and which largely delivered, but also demonstrated that possession in and of itself is useless without penetration. Spain worked the ball, wore England down, and made them pay in the final twenty minutes. The Poms will need to lift their game if they are to break their half-century major tournament drought in France.

Spain 2 (Mario Gaspar 72’; Santi Cazorla 84’) – England 0

2018 World Cup qualifying match review: Australia v. Kyrgyzstan at Canberra

In June, Kyrgyzstan thrilled this blog with a display of scintillating end-to-end soccer, a sort of Central Asian totaalvoetbal, if you will. They were unlucky to lose only 2-1 to the Socceroos, and it would be interesting to see what the men from the steppes could serve up at Bruce Stadium.

It had been cold and wet in the national capital, and the Canberrans had their umbrellas out prior to kick-off, while many of the couple-of-dozen-strong away support sported traditional Kyrgyz hats. The ‘Roos, playing in the familiar combo of yellow shirts, green shorts, and white socks, had chances early. They entered the Kyrgyz penalty area thrice in the first ninety seconds, Tim Cahill plowing the best chance into goalkeeper Pavel Matiash, whose lime green kit surely reminded the locals of sporting triumphs of days gone by…

At the quarter-hour mark, Melbourne City midfielder Aaron Mooy had a decent chance and Cahill followed up with the rebound, his shot grazing the corner of the goal frame. Two minutes later, the Snow Leopards, resplendent in white shirts with single navy blue and royal blue hoops at the top, white shorts, and red socks, thought they had a case for a penalty when replays showed debutante Australian defender James Meredith pulling the shirt of Akram Umarov.

There was more physicality to come: striker Ildar Amirov contested a loose ball with right-back Ryan McGowan; Amirov’s elbow and McGowan’s nose both came off second best. Cahill’s strike partner Tommy Jurić was substituted early for Nathan Burns. Various gialloverdi attackers peppered the visitors’ goal, typically assisted by through balls from Mooy, playing the role of über-cool shiny-headed regista with aplomb; the most promising was the thirty-seventh minute Burns shot, which would have been turned in had Mark Milligan got onto the rebound.

The thirty-ninth-minute penalty was more clear-cut than Kyrgyzstan’s earlier shout; Islam Shamshiev giving Burns a trip and then a hip-and-shoulder for good measure. Captain Mile Jedinak, a trusted figure at the penalty spot, hit the top right-hand corner of the net; Matiash guessed the correct side but dived too low. Los australianos led 1-0 at the break, Massimo Luongo having an injury-time tap-in disallowed for offside; the hosts had also cornered the possession market with seventy-four percent of the ball.

Mooy was in the thick of things early in the second half, getting on the end of a Jedinak pass and finding Cahill loose in the box for the Socceroos’ second goal. Four minutes later, Mooy sent a fast ball across the face of goal which a fuera de juego Cahill couldn’t get past the keeper.

Things wouldn’t get much better for ак барстар. In the fifty-sixth minute, Kairat Zhyrgalbek Uulu was cautioned for a foul on Meredith. Midfielder Shamshiev was subbed off for Vitalij Lux, a forward who plies his trade with 1. FC Nürnberg’s reserve team, and captain Azamat Baymatov, the inside of his arm sporting the tattooed words (in English) I am the master of my fate, ironically found his fate in the hands of the trainers when he was stretchered off fifteen minutes from time.

The third Australian goal came in the sixty-ninth minute, when Mooy bombed a corner kick into the six-yard box and forced an own goal from the head of Amirov. With the three points in the bag, the home side were able to rest Jedinak and Burns, off for Tom Rogić and James Troisi respectively; the entry into the fray of the Canberran Rogić met with a passionate from the knowledgeable locals.

In the seventy-ninth minute, the Central Asians had their best chance of the night when goalkeeper Adam Federici slipped over and would have been powerless to stop Lux’s shot had it been executed better. Troisi and Cahill one-twoed a minute later but the former skewed the resulting shot, before the Shanghai Shenhua striker had a blinder in the final few minutes: he appeared to have been brought down in the box, then was ruled offside (and shown a yellow card, seemingly for tapping the ball into the back of the net after the linesman’s flag was raised), then had two shots saved in stoppage time, the second from point-blank range.

It was a commendable performance by both sides: the Socceroos never surrendered the free-flowing verticalité which has served them so well in the Postecoglou Era, while the Snow Leopards were solid at the back, and all Australia will be cheering them on when they take on Jordan at home next week.

Australia 3 (Mile Jedinak 40’ pen.; Tim Cahill 50’; Ildar Amirov 69’ o.g.) – Kyrgyzstan 0

Cautions: Kairat Zhyrgalbek Uulu (Kyr.) 56’; Tim Cahill (Aust.) 90’

2015 Rugby World Cup semi-final match review: Argentina v. Australia at London

2015 will go down in history as the Year of the Three Trans-Tasman World Cup Finals: after meeting at the Melbourne Cricket Ground in March in fifty-over cricket’s showpiece event, and at Homebush in netball’s, Australia and New Zealand will face each other at Twickenham for the William Webb Ellis Trophy.

There was little doubt about the outcome of this semi-final, at least not from the moment in the second minute when Wallabies lock Rob Simmons intercepted a wayward Argentine pass and scored the first of four Australian tries. Five minutes later came the first of five successful penalty goal attempts for albiceleste five-eighth Nicolás Sánchez; like the Springboks the previous night, it seemed that a tryless Argentina would try to kick its way to victory.

Inside ten minutes, a swift backline move from the scrum ended with Adam Ashley-Cooper touching down: it was the first of a hat-trick of tries, two on the right wing and one on the left. After Bernard Foley hit his second conversion and Sánchez scored a penalty following a farcical series of scrum collapses, Australia led 14-6 when lock Tomás Lavanini was sin-binned for up-ending Israel Folau.

The ensuing period of Argentine short-handedness yielded one (unconverted) try for i gialloverdi, Ashley-Cooper’s second. Las Pumas goaled again from a penalty to narrow the margin to 19-9, but their late-in-the-half surge was repelled by some solid Australian defending.

Foley missed a penalty in the second minute of the second half, and a collapsed scrum two minutes later gave Sánchez another set shot, putting the South Americans within seven points. Foley and Sánchez then traded penalty goals, precipitated by various ruck- and maul-related infringements, before Foley fell short with a drop goal attempt in the sixty-first minute.

A tense period ensued, as the Wallabies fought to hang on to a one converted-try lead against an Argentine side more than capable of snatching an interception or powering through the defensive line. In the seventy-second minute, however, Ashley-Cooper put the result beyond doubt with his third try, thanks to a blistering cross-field run from Drew Mitchell. For the first time since that ill-fated night at Homebush in 2003, the Wallabies were into the World Cup final.

Argentina 15 – Australia 29

Tries: Rob Simmons (Aust.) 2’; Adam Ashley-Cooper (Aust.) 10’, 32’, 72’

Conversions: Bernard Foley (Aust.) 3/4

Penalty goals: Nicolás Sánchez (Arg.) 5/5; Bernard Foley (Aust.) 1/2

2015 Rugby World Cup semi-final match review: South Africa v. New Zealand at London

With a berth in the World Cup final on the line, the southern hemisphere’s two historic rugby heavyweights met at Twickenham. After South Africa had lost to Japan in their opening match of the group stage, few envisaged that they would get this far in the tournament, but they held the world champions right until the end in an enthralling encounter.

Die bokke scored the first points when Handré Pollard slotted home the first of his five penalty goals, but the All Blacks took an early lead when flanker Jerome Kaino touched down in the corner in the sixth minute. When a South African jumped the gun with his charge-down attempt, Daniel Carter got a second bite of the cherry, and the reigning world champions led 7-3.

The Kiwis, however, had an undisciplined first half; a post-lineout infringement in the tenth minute, another in the twentieth, and an offside call in the thirty-ninth all resulted in Pollard penalty goals. Carter had a set shot of his own but hit the post, and South Africa led 12-7 at the break with Kaino in the sin bin for dissent; all this despite New Zealand having sixty-five percent of possession.

London’s famous rain began to tumble down as a fourteen-man All Black outfit very nearly punctured the Boks’ defence, settling for a Carter drop goal from a smart move at the lineout. Two points down and with Kaino back on the pitch, the momentum was with the men from the Shaky Isles as they switched an attack to the left wing for substitute five-eighth Beauden Barrett to score. Carter made no mistake, and they led 17-12.

To add to the South Africans’ misery, veteran winger Bryan Habana earned himself a yellow card, forcing them to endure ten minutes short-handed against the rampaging All Blacks. But solid defending ensured that the period ended with one penalty goal apiece; Pollard from a scrum infringement in the fifty-seventh minute, and Carter after an Eben Etzebeth misdemeanour in the ruck two minutes later.

Back on, Habana saved his team further troubles by batting a Kiwi chip-and-chase over the dead ball line. Twelve minutes from time, an infringement at the lineout gave substitute Pat Lambie the chance to put himself on the scoresheet, converting the Boks’ sixth penalty goal from six attempts to reduce the margin to 20-18.

But the All Blacks held out, driving forward, looking for space for a drop goal attempt, and hanging onto the ball. A successful South African scrum feed with less than a minute on the clock gave the men in green some hope, but nearly two minutes later they had gained little territory and prematurely ended their drive by conceding a penalty. One of sport’s great international rivalries had produced another classic encounter, and a formidable opponent for the winner of the next semi-final between las pumas and the Wallabies.

South Africa 18 – New Zealand 20

Tries: Jerome Kaino (N. Z.) 6’; Beauden Barrett (N. Z.) 52’

Conversions: Daniel Carter (N. Z.) 2/2

Penalty goals: Handré Pollard (S. Afr.) 5/5; Pat Lambie (S. Afr.) 1/1; Daniel Carter (N. Z.) 1/2

Drop goals: Carter (N. Z.) 1/1

AFL Grand Final 2015 match review: Hawthorn v. West Coast at Melbourne

After a year – one might call it an annus horribilis – in which football became increasingly stoppage-infested and whistle-heavy on the field as well as marred by race- and gender-based controversies off it, Hawthorn and West Coast played out a so-so Grand Final in front of 98,633 M.C.C. members, corporates, coterie group members, and other assorted hangers-on.

‘PLAY YOUR ROLE’ screamed a sign in the Hawks’ dressing room, the club of the Liberal-voting I’ll-Be-Right-Jack eastern suburbs nouveau riche telling its players to be cogs in the machine. This is a team who know exactly where to be and what to do at ball-ups, throw-ins, and kick-ins, coached by a man for whom football is a sudoku puzzle he has already cracked many times over.

Although Luke Shuey was the first to goal, Hawthorn answered with five straight in the remainder of the opening term, including a snap and a set shot from Cyril Rioli which got a certain commentator’s blood pulsating. Down 1.5.11 to 5.0.30 at the first change, it was possible to claim that i gialloblu were ‘kickin’ themselves out of it’, but their loss would be about more than inaccuracy.

The truth was that the Mayblooms were simply better all over the park, and in hindsight, never looked troubled after Luke Hodge, fresh from being fêted as ‘a good bloke’ by the incestuous back-slappers who populate Melbourne’s football media, produced a wonder snap from the left-hand pocket to open the second quarter. Before long, Jack Gunston had added two goals from open play in the forward line, before Isaac Smith got in on the action, putting the home side forty-four points up mid-way through the period.

For the rest of the second term, and for a bit of the third one, the ‘Weagles Web’ began to tighten. This tactical system, in which the Eagles push their back pockets forward and their wingmen back, and then congest space behind and in front of the opposing forwards, is hailed as the greatest innovation in footy since Jack Dyer invented the drop punt. A goal against the run of play and another after the siren made the score 9.3.57 to 3.8.26 at half-time, while a third consecutive West Coast goal, coupled with two out-on-the-full kicks by harried Hawthorn defenders, brought the margin down to an agreeable four goals.

‘STAY IN THE MOMENT’ read another fancy brown and yellow sign in the Mustard Pots’ dressing rooms, but it felt as if they were rattled. Two nagging problems remained for the Eagles, however: long sequences of stoppages in their forward fifty which went unconverted, and the unexplained disappearance of Coleman Medallist Josh Kennedy.

From there, the two sides traded goals before another brace from Gunston and then a beauty from Isaac Smith, who roved a loose ball in the pocket and slotted it through on the half-volley. Late in the quarter, Matt Suckling became the last ever player to be substituted on in an AFL match in place of David Hale, and he goaled almost immediately, putting his side ahead at the final change, 14.5.89 to 5.9.39.

I giallomarroni began the fourth quarter with two goals. West Coast forward Josh Hill provided the crowd with some slapstick entertainment, taking three bounces and waltzing into a seemingly open goal, only to find his kick smothered by the on-rushing Brian Lake. With the margin at a game-high ten goals, it was a procession from thereon in. Kennedy’s first shot for the day (!) came with five minutes remaining and fell short. Jeremy McGovern kicked two goals soon after to become the Eagles’ only multiple goal-kicker.

With two goals, four score assists, eleven score involvements, and some great lock-down work in the forward line, Cyril Rioli was named Norm Smith Medallist, the third Tiwi Islander and second member of the Rioli family to win the honour. It could equally have gone to Isaac Smith, Hodge, or the possession-happy Sam ‘Knees’ Mitchell, and the overlooking of James Frawley’s neutralisation of the league’s top full-forward (the AFL website called it a ‘Kennedy Assassination’) by the selection panel demonstrates the anti-defence bias typical of such a cheap-thrills, TV ratings-hungry league.

Tactically, this win was all about Hawthorn’s domination of space. The Eagles had only played one match this year on the M.C.G., and their defensive structures, honed on the long, narrow expanses of Subiaco Oval, were ineffective. The Mayblooms racked up double their opponents’ tally of uncontested marks and two and a half times as many uncontested possessions; the width of the famous ground gifting them ample space in which to play their trademark keepings-off footy.

Their total of 270 kicks was the highest in a grand final since 1986; additionally, they kicked 104 times more than they handballed (but at least forty percent of these were chip kicks to an unmarked teammate). The Coasters, on the other hand, handballed more than they kicked.

West Coast won the hit-outs, the total clearances, and the clearances from stoppages. Their midfield seemed to hold up, but Nic Naitanui didn’t dominate Hawthorn’s makeshift ruck unit as much as he might have liked. The ‘Weagles Web’, however, was beaten, Hawthorn taking 17 marks from 59 inside 50’s compared to the Eagles’ 11 from 40. The Hawks were also victorious in the tackle count, 59-45, and in the crucial interchange rotation stakes, 118-100.

So what does all this mean for football, the universe, and everything? We hear a lot these days about congestion and how it is killing modern football (for example, my previous post). This was, by modern standards, a somewhat uncongested match with only fifty stoppages, a majority of which were in fact cleared by the Eagles.

But the fact that only twenty-seven free kicks were paid (14-13 Hawthorn’s way) and only 104 tackles were laid in an era when teams regularly hit the century mark in fiercely-contested matches points to the lack of physicality in this match. This was basketball on grass: Hawthorn chipping the ball around the perimeter until they could find trusty old Cyril loose in the forward line, while Sam ‘That’s Why We Choose Swisse’ Mitchell racked up meaningless disposal stats.

Hampered by the M.C.G.’s greater width than their usual stomping ground, and, like all good defensive teams, hindered by the heat, West Coast were unable to take the game to Hawthorn.

Some are already bigging up this Hawthorn side as (one of) the greatest ever. They certainly have the silverware, but their brand of football is singularly suited to Gillard-Abbott-era Australia: low-risk, TV-friendly, with a paradoxical mélange of keepings-off and unrestrained macho aggression, all combined with a win-at-all-costs club culture eminently attractive to the haw-haw-get-out-of-my-way arriviste bourgeoisie.

So goodbye to football for another season. It’ll be back next year, with no substitutes, ninety interchanges, no Goodesgate, and Paddy Dangerfield in the famous old hoops. Can’t hardly wait…

Hawthorn 16.11.107 – West Coast 8.13.61

Goals: Gunston 4, Smith 3, Rioli 2, Birchall, Hill, Hodge, McEvoy, Roughead, Schoenmakers, Suckling (Haw.); McGovern 2, Darling, Hill, Hutchings, LeCras, Shuey, Yeo (W. C.)

Best: Rioli, Mitchell, Smith, Hodge, Gunston, Burgoyne, Frawley (Haw.); Gaff, Shuey, Butler, Hutchings, Priddis (W. C.)